Pessimism

I have learned through a great many years of never catching a break to expect the worst. It has always been my opinion that if you are prepared for the worst that if/when things do not work out, you are not shell shocked with grief and disappointment. I always think that, even though I am quite pessimistic that eventually something will work out...However, it has yet to happen. I feel the impending doom of having disappointment after disappointment come my way, I actually go into things expecting a resounding "No!". There is and will never be room in the inn for Sarah. This probably sounds like a horribly depressing way of handling things, but it has actually gotten me through some extremely difficult times. I do have hope for things to turn out, but it just seems like I am on a roll right now with everything NOT working out as it should. I am almost afraid to pray for more opportunities because of the impending rejection. My timing is soooo off it has become comical.

I have been facing some extremely stressful and frustrating situations at work (coaching) that have been the cause of much grief. My boss (the head coach) is never present at practices and yet has the authority (and pay check) to dictate schedules, workouts, etc. She also has made it very clear that two other guys who coach with me on occasion will receive a much greater paycheck than myself just because they are former UT swimmers. I have a high opinion of these guys, yet I feel it incredibly unfair that they receive so much when I am the one who has been running, directing, and building the team. I cant explain how much I have invested in the kids and how hard I work with them and their families to make sure everything is being done in their best interest. It is more than a full-time job. I recently told the "head coach" about my concerns with the payment situation. I know I am a good coach and I see how little the UT guys participate in everything and how little they care. I really think its because they are being paid so much more (3x as much) than everyone else for doing nothing that they are not motivated to do more. I hate that my experience and success with the team has been over looked just because I did not go through the UT program. So...after explaining my concerns I was told "its time you went somewhere else". My jaw dropped. After all I had done to improve the team I was going to be over looked once again because UT is not on my resume. It's really just one of those classic situations in life that you think only happen in movies because they seem so ridiculous. Its the worst thing in the world when those who are so undeserving receive the biggest pay out. So I have been seeking positions else where. Unfortunately all the teams now have filled their head coaching positions which means I will once again be working under someone who has no idea what they are doing. If my boss had told me this just a couple days earlier I would have been able to transition easily. One of the real cruel situations in life. *Sigh* So I now have little to look forward to and only hope that at some point in the next decade that I might catch a break. I have had it with working under disorganized and absentee coaches. I will kill myself if I am in that situation again...but as I said before, I will be expecting it. It's the story of my life.

My First Spring Break

In the past I was usually in the opinion that spring break served no purpose and that it was more beneficial to plow through the semester and get done earlier. However, after a lovely weekend/week of not having to drive to classes and work, I am of the opinion that the more "breaks" the better. I always ended up getting burned out in the past and don't know how i managed to keep my sanity without a spring break. I am currently spending this years break in NYC. A perfect way to spend my free time. I have had a great time so far. Me and Erika have been planning themed days of activities. Yesterday was our Alice day. We went to see Alice in the IMAX 3D, lunch at Alice's Tea Cup, Hat shopping, pictures at the Alice statues in the park, ate my first oyster at the Oyster Bar, and then had tarts.

We saw A Little Night Music and will be seeing Jersey Boys. I shall post a review of both when I return home. Celebrity sitings so far have only been the ones in A Little Night Music with Katherine Zeta Jones and Angela Lansbury. To my great surprise, Mrs. Micheal Douglass is actually a very good stage actress. I heard Tim Gun lives on the upper west side and a couple of Erika's roommates have seen him, my goal is to catch a sighting.

Life will go on

I usually don't talk about any prospective jobs or opportunities I am pursuing for fear that I get rejected and I then have to go back and be forced to talk about it. Unfortunately this is one of those times. I didn't get selected for swim camp. Definitely I downer and something I actually let myself hope for. I usually handle these things by mourning in solitude, but I went against my better judgment and told people what I was doing. Won't be happening again. I knew it was a long shot in the first place, but it was my last hope of getting out of coaching summer league this year. There has been so much drama on the team I am currently with that it has almost killed me. I needed a break so badly, but it wasn't meant to be. So for those of you who read this and actually see me, don't talk to me about it. I don't want to be reminded. The only happy thought I can procure from this is that maybe there is going to be an earth quake in Austin (since they are becoming quite the fashion these days) and that the whole of UT will be lost in a black abyss and I will be the grateful survivor because I was not at swim camp. Yes, it all makes sense now. Swim camp is not worth getting crushed by a building. I leave for a trip to NYC to see Erika in a couple days and it could not have come at a better time, she is the best!

I think I need to watch a devastatingly depressing movie. Oh Hannah, this is where we would be making a trip to some fantastic indian place and stuff our faces until the pain goes away and find something to laugh about. We were so good at making each other feel better. OK i am done being dramatic. Life will go on.