Pessimism

I have learned through a great many years of never catching a break to expect the worst. It has always been my opinion that if you are prepared for the worst that if/when things do not work out, you are not shell shocked with grief and disappointment. I always think that, even though I am quite pessimistic that eventually something will work out...However, it has yet to happen. I feel the impending doom of having disappointment after disappointment come my way, I actually go into things expecting a resounding "No!". There is and will never be room in the inn for Sarah. This probably sounds like a horribly depressing way of handling things, but it has actually gotten me through some extremely difficult times. I do have hope for things to turn out, but it just seems like I am on a roll right now with everything NOT working out as it should. I am almost afraid to pray for more opportunities because of the impending rejection. My timing is soooo off it has become comical.

I have been facing some extremely stressful and frustrating situations at work (coaching) that have been the cause of much grief. My boss (the head coach) is never present at practices and yet has the authority (and pay check) to dictate schedules, workouts, etc. She also has made it very clear that two other guys who coach with me on occasion will receive a much greater paycheck than myself just because they are former UT swimmers. I have a high opinion of these guys, yet I feel it incredibly unfair that they receive so much when I am the one who has been running, directing, and building the team. I cant explain how much I have invested in the kids and how hard I work with them and their families to make sure everything is being done in their best interest. It is more than a full-time job. I recently told the "head coach" about my concerns with the payment situation. I know I am a good coach and I see how little the UT guys participate in everything and how little they care. I really think its because they are being paid so much more (3x as much) than everyone else for doing nothing that they are not motivated to do more. I hate that my experience and success with the team has been over looked just because I did not go through the UT program. So...after explaining my concerns I was told "its time you went somewhere else". My jaw dropped. After all I had done to improve the team I was going to be over looked once again because UT is not on my resume. It's really just one of those classic situations in life that you think only happen in movies because they seem so ridiculous. Its the worst thing in the world when those who are so undeserving receive the biggest pay out. So I have been seeking positions else where. Unfortunately all the teams now have filled their head coaching positions which means I will once again be working under someone who has no idea what they are doing. If my boss had told me this just a couple days earlier I would have been able to transition easily. One of the real cruel situations in life. *Sigh* So I now have little to look forward to and only hope that at some point in the next decade that I might catch a break. I have had it with working under disorganized and absentee coaches. I will kill myself if I am in that situation again...but as I said before, I will be expecting it. It's the story of my life.